Pwetty Women
by Talking Hawk
Summary: For Frodo's birthday, little Pip decides to sing a song... No slash.


Pwetty Women  
  
By Talking Hawk  
  
Author's Note: Yes, I can spell… (grins) I felt like doing a quick little ficcy, as I no longer live in the days where I can spew out a fanfic in a day… (sighs) Ah well, that's what happens when you start doing series, huh? Also, I wanted to do something light-hearted after writing the ninth chapter of "Only One Can Be Saved" yesterday… (clutches heart and faints) (Sam: *walks in, blinks, then turns to you* Um…ignore her…yeah… *puts a white cloth over her body* Body bag collector: Um…she's not dead yet. Sam: *pauses then grins* Just give me one moment… *walks out*)  
  
"I can't believe my birthday's tomorrow…" a worried Frodo muttered, looking through a pile of invitations he had not yet sent. He was turning a right bold age of twenty, and though he was still a tweenager, he felt it was a stepping stone in his life – more so than the other birthdays had been, though. The young Baggins was looking especially forward to this party for he had, two weeks before all the other invitations, mind you, invited a pretty little hobbit girl he had his eye set upon since going to his cousin Estel's own birthday celebration.  
  
Her name escaped him at this present moment, for the only thing that occupied his thoughts was her lovely, smiling face. Oh, how he wished for her to feel the same way he felt about her! He sighed dreamily, his eyes becoming glassy with lighthearted affection for this girl whose name he could not remember.  
  
Sam had not yet reached the age of heartstruckedness, though it was plainly obvious to his friend that the young Gamgee had a fancy for the Cottons' daughter. He was still at the stage in which he was fond of a girl, but did not see it as anything more than that. Frodo often entertained himself with the thought of Sam's fondness for the presently little Rosie blossoming into a love – like the one he supposedly felt now for the nameless hobbit girl.  
  
Frodo stared off into the distance, a cheesy grin upon his face. Sam glared at him, not liking the idea of his friend so distant and cloudy- headed. He interrupted the Baggin's daydreams by smartly announcing, "Me Gaffer always said that when you let yer head be filled with girls, then there ain't be any room left for anythin' else."  
  
A larger grin crossing his lips, Frodo replied, "And a smart man the Gaffer is… 'Tis true!" He sighed again, and finally turned to Sam, his face bright with happiness. "I'm in love, Sam…!"  
  
Though not wanting to be rude, Sam decided it was better to be frank rather than to lie. "That's about as true as me eating flowers. Ya don't even remember her NAME!"  
  
"Tsk, tsk, Sam," Frodo teased, shaking a finger in the air. "Love doesn't need a name."  
  
"'Tis pure madness," the Gamgee said, shaking his head in disapproval. "If ya keep on lettin' yer head swim the way it has been, you'll never get everythin' ready in time for the party."  
  
"Oh, yes…" Frodo said, his eyes widened. Frantic, he turned back to his desk, and rummaged through the pile of papers and letters. "Nearly forgot…!"  
  
Sam rolled his eyes, and strolled off towards the door. "I'll be back workin' in the garden… Lemme know if everythin's ready and set for the party tomorrow." 'It would be a miracle,' he added grimly as the closed the door behind him.  
  
* * *  
  
To Master Gamgee's surprise, a miracle did happen – Bilbo caught wind of Frodo's predicament. Though the lad was a bit embarrassed, his uncle reassured him that he could settle the matter, and as according to his word, the party was all ready by the next night. The backyard of Bag End was set up with a few round wooden tables, all the necessary silverware and dishes, as well as lovely lights hanging from the trees that illuminated both the tables and the little stage set up. It was simple, yet grand, as was Frodo's wishes – if Bilbo had had things his way completely, he would have brought all kinds of foreign entertainment and magical things, but this was as his future heir had wanted it. A small party this would be, in which only the closest of Frodo's friends were invited. The nameless girl was among them.  
  
Frodo wore a red vest, with thin yellow stripes across it. His velvet pants were black, and had been chosen after about a baker's dozen worth of clothes changes. He had to look perfect for the girl. He grinned nervously as he stood at the back door of Bag End, giving his guests gifts – as was hobbit tradition at birthday parties – as they walked through the smial and were directed to the back by Bilbo. Earlier that day, due to Frodo's persistant begging, his uncle had agreed not to come out during the party, as it was Frodo's time to be in charge of his own celebration. However, Bilbo was quite content with spending his birthday reading a book inside the hobbit hole without having to tend to the ruckus that is often associated with parties in Hobbiton.  
  
Frodo's cousin Merry, though having arrived earlier than the stream of hobbits that now filtered into the backyard, walked up to the birthday hobbit's side. Lifting an eyebrow after smiling at the most recent guest, Frodo whispered, "What 'tis the matter?"  
  
"It's Pippin," the Brandybuck whispered plainly. "I just wanted to tell you what he's got planned…"  
  
"'Planned'?"  
  
"Well, yes," Merry said. "You see, Sam told us about that girl you fancy-" Frodo blushed. "-and Pippin wanted to sing a song for her at the party tonight, but…" "'But'?" Frodo inquired, and Merry lowered his eyes. "Well," he continued, "you see…he wanted to sing 'Pretty Woman,' but since you and Sam don't know her name, Pippin decided to…"  
  
"To what??" Frodo asked, a note of uneasy apprehension in his voice.  
  
"…Sing the song to every girl here. He changed it to 'Pretty Women.'"  
  
"I cannot believe this…" the Baggins whispered, slapping his forehead in disgust with himself. "She's going to get the wrong idea…!"  
  
"Well, it's not like she knows that the song was meant for her…" Merry said, trying to reassure Frodo, but he only shook his head.  
  
"She's going to know…I just know it…"  
  
* * *  
  
An hour passed, and just as Frodo was ready to stand up to look for his "lost" cousin, the Took decided to reappear. He skipped onto the center of the stage, and waved to get the other hobbits' attention.  
  
"'Scuse me, 'scuse me!!" he cried out, hopping up and down. When all eyes turned to him and the yard grew silent, he stopped and grinned. "I have a wittle song-thingie fow ya ladies!" He stuck his thumbs behind his vest, grinning some more as the girls of the audience began whispering to each other and giggling. Another hobbit boy came out, a bit older than Pippin, and set a little wooden stool down before him, then exited. Pippin stood up on the stool as Frodo flushed with embarrassment.  
  
  
  
"Pwetty women  
  
Walkin' down the stweet  
  
Pwetty women  
  
The kind I wike to meet  
  
Pwetty women  
  
I don't bewieve you  
  
You'we not tewwing the twuth  
  
No one can wook as good as you…"  
  
"Ekcept fow you!" he cried out, pointing to a random girl. She blushed, giggling into the palm of her hand as Pippin pointed at another girl. "And you!…and you!…oh, and YOU!!" Frodo slapped his forehead as Pippin continued his song.  
  
  
  
"Mewcy…!  
  
  
  
"Pwetty women  
  
Won't you pawdon me?  
  
Pwetty women  
  
I couldn't hewp but see  
  
Pwetty women  
  
That you wook as wovewy as can be  
  
Are you wonely just wike me?  
  
  
  
Meowww!"  
  
  
  
Half the hobbits burst into laughter, but Pippin brushed it off, absorbed in his own performance.  
  
  
  
"Pwetty women  
  
Stop awhiwe  
  
Pwetty women  
  
Talk awhiwe  
  
Pwetty women  
  
Give youw smiwe to me  
  
Pwetty women  
  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
  
Pwetty women  
  
Wook my way  
  
Pwetty women  
  
Say you'ww stay with me  
  
  
  
"'Cause I need you  
  
I'ww tweat you wight  
  
Come with me baby  
  
Be mine tonight  
  
  
  
"Pwetty women  
  
Don't walk on by  
  
Pwetty women  
  
Don't make me cwy wike a wittle baby  
  
Pwetty women  
  
Don't walk away, hey  
  
Okay  
  
If dat's the way it must be  
  
OKAY!  
  
I guess I'ww go on home, it's wate  
  
It's past EIGHT!!  
  
There'ww be tomowwow night,  
  
But wait  
  
What do I see?  
  
Is she a-walkin' back to me?  
  
Yessie!!  
  
She's a-walking back to me  
  
Oh, oh, pwetty womeeeen!"  
  
  
  
Silence fell over the crowd. Pippin grinned and waved in gratitude, "Tankies!!" With that, he hopped off the stool and off the stage, ran up to the now-standing Frodo, and jumped into his arms. "Happy BIWTHDAY!!" he cried out, wrapping his short arms around his cousin's chest. Frodo blinked for a moment, then smiled and hugged him back.  
  
After a slight pause, the gathering burst into cheers and applauding, talking loudly of how "cute" the performance was – especially the ladies, if I do say so myself. Amidst the "infernal racket," as the Gaffer was obliged to call it the next morning, Frodo whispered to the Took, "Thanks, Pip… I'll never forget that."  
  
"Me won'ta fowget you EEETAAA!" he cried out, giving his cousin another hug.  
  
* * *  
  
Thirty years later…  
  
The newly formed Fellowship walked over a hill, greeting the sun as the future heroes of Middle Earth. The group walked on contently until the leader of the line, Gandalf, halted, causing everyone behind him to run into one another. Spinning around, the wizard demanded, "Where is Frodo?!"  
  
Pippin blushed and, lowering his eyes, said, "I must've forgot him…"  
  
Merry crossed his arms in annoyance and shouted, "That's what we get for asking YOU to wake him up!"  
  
The other hobbit grinned sheepishly, and said, "He could've woke HIMSELF up…but he was probably thinking about…" A pause. "PWWWWEEETTYYYYYYY WOOOMEEEEEENNN!"  
  
The rest of the Fellowship groaned, and rolled their eyes in exasperation.  
  
"PIPPIN…" Boromir said, "if you sing ONE MORE song, I'LL…"  
  
The Took ignored him, and began singing, a grin upon his face, "Pweettyyyy womeeeen, stop awhile! Pwetty women, talk awhile!" The human dove for the hobbit, but Pippin escaped his clutches. "Pwetty women, give youw smiwe to meeeee!!" They began running in circles about the wizard, and then included the others in their race by circling about them as well.  
  
Gimli the dwarf roared, "I'll give ya a bit something MORE than that!" He raised his ax in the air, and the other men cried out, "YEAH!!" Pippin's eyes widened, and turned tail, running down the hill, the other seven members of the Fellowship in pursuit.  
  
* * *  
  
Elrond shook his head, watching the group from a window in his palace. "To think…" he pondered aloud, observing as a trail of the men traveled down the hill, and seeing Sam and Bill vainly trying to catch up. One by one, Bill's bags slid off his back in the pursuit. "Our lives are in their hands…"  
  
He turned to the man next to him, who turned out to be none other than Frodo Baggins, shaking his head whilst peering out the same window. "TELL me about it…"  
  
Disclaimer: "Pretty Woman" is not mine (jeez, I could've fooled you, huh?). 


End file.
